There are times

which almost seem irreal.

There have been too many events this year and for dealing with the emotions, I've blunted them altogether. Starting from January - death of my brother, big quarrel between Pete and his older son, finding out my expecting status, my mother's cancer diagnose and operation.... And all the time I haven't been able to do anything else than just sitting and thinking and living my everyday life.



The past weeks we've been actively brainstorming the possibility of moving over the pond again. All together. Not right tomorrow, but perhaps after a year or two. But browsing the real estate sites, always brings me to the earth again. House prices in Estonia are ridiculously high. Watching some of the more exclusive ones, I wanted to ask if we were talking about California instead of Central and South Estonia. It makse me wonder who can afford these houses after all. I'm afraid that bunch of people must lend themselves broken these days.

On the other hand, job market for doctors seems to be favourable. All I hear is lack of doctors.



Priit goes to preschool this September. He has 3 years until he should go to school in Estonia.

His reading has improved immensly, both in Estonian and English. Although he reads English like Estonian, I wonder if he will have problems at school beacuse of that.



Although I feel totally ambigous about my own future career or let's better say job opportunities, I've almost constantly gone on with my USMLE preparation. Learning is good - takes away worries and give some change for everyday routine and being in the child world. I think that I've never known as much of biochemistry, immunology, pathology as I know right now. During learning all the excitment of medicine comes back and all the hardships tend to be forgotten.

Brief Updates

Life's been good. California was wonderful.
I haven't written anything because I've taken up studying for USMLE quite seriously recently. It goes rather slowly, but there has been some improvement though. Although I still feel ambiguity about the whole process, I'm going on. There is something which pulls me to books all the time.
Peter thinks I might find out about the physician's assistant possibilities, but it seems a bit inappropriate to go to collage for two years to become an assistant after 10 years of studying to become a doctor and working for 5 years. I talked to Kai over phone about the issue and she said that she didn't see a reason for me not to try to persue the doctor's career.
Well, we'll see how it goes.

A Californian Intermezzo's Coming

We are off to LA tomorrow morning. Strangely, I'm all calm, no much excitment. What about my dream to see the ocean... we'll be living on the coast!!!
I guess, I'm supressing the underlying feelings - concern, nervousness. About how would the flights go, would I be able to be myself at Peter's mother, would Priit behave properly. The biggest concern is whether I will understand what they talk and whether they will understand my accent. I've always understood Peter very well. He says that he doesn't speak differently with me, but I guess, he does though, perhaps unconscieously - more clearly and slowly.
Peter's brother will show up with his family too. Maybe it's the main reason why I feel a bit anxious. Well, seems that I'm prejudiced, but can't help - after his sarcasm to Peter before we got married, I'd rather not meet him. Like Peter said: D will smile all the time, yet make you cry. I don't like sharpness, more so as I tend to attack back instantly, being sharp myself or overreacting and being too sensitive. I hope that 5 years of experience in dealing with all kind of situations in my professional life, has made my skin thick enough, not to let me to be too bothered.
Well, I shouldn't be preoccupied with these negative thoughts, but enjoy our little vacation. Peter is happy and excited - he is a Californian boy after all, who needs to be there from time to time. So I'd better think positively not to ruin his enthusiasm with my moping. Back to packing...

First Day at School

It's Priit's first day at school today. There were 4 other children in his 3-years group. As I had expected, he seemed to be the most stubborn kid there, rather doing what he wanted to do than listening to the teacher. But whenever things turned interesting in the group, he ran there too and was able to communicate in English very well. So, it's not the question of language barrier, but his personality. But it wasn't bad, actually; he had fun. At one point all the children had to tell what they liked to do and what they were good at. Most of the kids said something abstract, but Priit stated loudly and clearly -I like to play. Quite honest and really adequate. He's become really good in English. It's amazing to listen to how he chats with Peter or Grant. And he recognizes Peter and Grant as his family now - feels totally free to express hismself with them.
In the past weeks he has begun to play a lot of fantasy games too. For example cooking for us - it seems to be his favourite right now; also being a pilot and flying to somewhere, mostly to Estonia. When I ask why he wants to fly to Estonia, he says that there are lot of good toys there and also that grandmother and grandfather live there. Good enough.
We also have a big problem with buttons, there is no way, he could go by any buttons without pressing it. I'm waiting with fear when he manages to press a fire alarm button for example.
Sometimes it quite amazes me - how is my child so energetic, loud... stubborn. Peter says that nobody could say that he is not his son (yes, especially, considering loudness :)) . Fortunately, he can focuse if something interests him - like writing numbers or letters for more than half an hour, he can read 3-4 letter words in Estonian, he likes to draw. He's smart enough, but I guess that being only with adults for the last year and having these adults mostly for paying attention to him, has made him emotionally immature. He has definitely lacked communication with children. I hope the preschool will be good for him.

It's actually my first day at achool too. My first ESL class is this evening. I'm looking forward to it.

Trying to eat some seafood and talking about history

I was positively suprised that I actually managed to swallow a scallop yesterday. It tasted like...mmmm.... like a sea, I'd say. It tasted like sea smells. Anyway, it was ok, but it's not my favourite food. I also hoped that I'd be brave enough to taste schrimps again, but no, it didn't happen. (I looked up how is scallop in Estonian, but found that it almost doesn't have any sense because I've never heard this word in Estonian. Although we live by the sea, apparently we aren't a seafood eating nation).

I haven't figured it out - my schrimp fear. About 10 years ago, I visited a Chinese restaurant and ate a lot of schrimps there. It was a buffet type of restaurant and my friend had said to me that I should try schrimps and eat them a lot. It was the first time I ever saw a schrimp and I ate them a lot. I guess they tasted ok. Later in the evening I was totally sick, sat in the toilet vomitting. Now I think it was purely overeating. A month later we visted a Japanese restaurant and there were schrimps on my plate again. The outcome was the same - I ended my day sitting in the toilet. And after this my mind associates this sick feeling with schrimps. We visited the Japanese restaurants many times after this as my friends' son loved it and I just ate rice there. I remember one time while the chef, for some reason, seemed to put extra scrimps and extra big ones on my plate - Lena telling me that I seemed to be his favourite, and I unfortunately didn't dare to try anything. It was embarrasing. In the end, he stopped even looking at me.



We watched a documentary yesterday - "America in Forties". When the story-teller announced that Nazy-Germany attacked Poland in September, 1939, I asked Peter if he knew that the Soviet Union began his attack just a bit later and actually occupied the estern part of Poland. He told that he hadn't even heard of it. I guess, the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact isn't discussed much except in Eastern European countries. The Soviet Union ended up as a winner and evidently one shouldn't judge winners.

It just made me thought how subjective can our knowleadge about history be. The same way as Peter doesn't know how the Soviet Union was actually an aggressor in the beginning of the war and also about this country's genocide against its own people, I hadn't heard anything about Iwo Jima, for example. I guess, there was only a vague notion in my mind of WWII going on on the Pacific as well. For me it had been totally an European matter.

Rain period

I've noticed a frustrating tendency lately - Priit has begun to make a lot of mistakes while speaking Estonian. Saying "söösin" instead of "sõin", "poodis" instead of "poes", "oasid" instead of "ubasid", "loesime" instead of "lugesime" etc. All the same type of mistakes, the ones which foreign speakers tend to make. The input of Estonian language hasn't been sufficient recently, I guess. Although I talk to him almost always in Estonian, he doesn't hear it being used by lot of people. Or perhaps it's just normal for this age to make these grammatical mistakes? Anyway, I've switched back to Estonian books. On the contrary, his English improves at daily bases. He formes pretty good long sentences, even uses auxillary verbs. Tends to use "did" instead of "do" though. But it's so cool to watch how he communicates with Peter and Geeper and his friends.

It seems that we've entered into the rain period now. It has been raining for 2-5 inches every day and there has been heavy thunderstorms. It's quite amazing that there hasn't been any problems with the electricity. It's really good that all the electricity pipes are under the ground in this town.
It's still very hot, in mid 90s of F and humid. Feels like a tropical climate, at least how I imagine a tropical climate. It's good that I have this subject, weather, to discuss with my father now. He has always been so keen about weather changes and the certain question which he asks every time we talk to is: What's the weather like?
Our garden looks like a jungle - all the plants are tall, with deep green leaves, weeds have taken power. We started our fight with them yesterday with Priit. He is a really big helper. He likes to do "real work" - wash dishes, wipe the floors, help me with laundry.... a big boy he is already.

Time to start working

Yesterday we ordered 7 books from Amazon: 3 pathology, 2 physiology, 1 biochemistry and one review (First Aid) book. So, it's time to make myself a schedule for studying. And trying to spend less time serching the Internet and blogging. I also asked Pete to wake and GET me up earlier since now as I thought that it might be a good idea to do some exercises in the morning. Instead, today we almost slept in. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

Yesterday, after Pete came home, we went by the river again. Grilled some hamburgers and went fishing. It's so calming. And Priit totally loves it too.

Nice weekend again

The last days we've been busy with watching films and spending time outside. On Saturday we went to pick blackberries from the countryside. Most of the berries weren't ripe yet but we still managed to make two jars of jam. Actually, Pete made of course. In the evening we had a nice fishing tour again, didn't caught nothing but it was really enjoyable though. Priit has a lot to do by the river and as Pete enjoys fishing hugely, I'm for it every time too.
Yesterday we went by the Skunk river and triving back headed to small gravel roads. It was like driving in Southern Estonia - little farm houses, dusty trees and perceivably fresh air. I like this countryside. There are hills like in Haanja, only the perspective is much broader. And there doesn't seem to be natural small lakes in the area. I also miss pine trees, the smell of evergreen trees, my walkes in Rõuge woods. Here there are lot of oaks, but as they grow in the woods, they are much smaller that Estonian oaks which grow in the fields. It is prairie here, of course.

We watched two good movies this weekend too: "Eternal Sunshine of Spotless Mind" with Jim Carrey and Kate Winslate and "Spanglish". Both were categorized as comedies, but the former was far from being it. It was rather psychodelic, delusional, also warning - don't mess with memory. I guess, at some point we would like to erase some memories, some embarrasing, painful or just annoying ones... but would we be ourselves after that? The latter film was very nice comedy, soulful with pretty people. I had also taken "American Beauty" from the library but Pete didn't feel like watching it again, saying that it's too sad.

On films

It's still intolerably hot.... and August is yet ahead. I'd have never thought that climate could be a problem for me. I think the main problem is that it's too humid here. These temperatures (90 - 100 F) would be ok by the sea, I guess.

We caught our first real fish on Friday. A big catfish from Des Moines river. I like it there - nice breeze, sound of water, even the smell of (dead) fish has become more tolerable.

Otherwise tha weekend was a movie marathon. We watched "The Isaland" (with Scalett Johannsen and Ewan McGregor) - Pete liked it a lot, I'd say - a good film; "The Departed" (with Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon and Jack Nicholson) - in the beginning didn't like it and went to bed, tried again next day and found it quite enjoyable despite I don't like to see violance; "Crash" (got 3 Academy Awards) - interesting, reminds me of "Magnolia", makes you think and argue and conclude that there are two mistakes which people make - they don't listen to and they talk too much; "Under the Sun of Tuscany" (with Diane Lane) - nonpretentious, calm and enjoyable watching; "The FamilyStones" (with Sarah Jessica Parker, Diane Keaton) - good enough comedy.
The other interesting movies I've seen lately: "The House of Sand and Fog" - really unpredictable, changed even Pete's view on Iranians... agitated lot of thoughts; "Prestige" - interesting, a bit mystical, balancing on the line between reality and irreality; "Long Way Round" (Ewan McGreror and his friend travelling around the world with motobikes) - very interesting and enjoyable, especially the parts regarding Mongolia and Siberia; "Lake House" (with Sandra Bullock and Keenu Reeves) - story is cool and romance is cool, bases on an Asian film; "Little Children" - again interesting, unpredictable, but left me oddly nausetic; "A girl in the cafe" - different, I enjoyed... there are many others, but I have to go and prepare dinner now, nothing fancy, just leftovers, I'm afraid.

Guests from Texas

We had Pete's daughter with her family here for 2 days. And it was a great time we spent together. Hanna has a wonferful family. Their son is a little gentleman, cam and thoughtful - a good boy. He is 6 right now, turns 7 on September. Priit was like a wild child compared to him. But Peter comforted me saying that after 4 years he could be quite different too. They came on Wednesday, we met them at the Royal Amsterdam Hotel and headed to have a lunch in Intveld. Oh, these sandwiches were really tasty. It was Hanna's idea to go there. She had quite a concrete plan ready what she wanted to do and see in her old hometown. Afte that we came home, rested a bit and in the evening had a barbecue in the backyard. Yesterday we had a whole day together, strolled in the town in the morning, later spent some hours by the river. Boys and men were fishing (Peter got a little fish) and we had a lunch there. And in the evening we had a little barbecue party with Hanna's family, our neighbours and Peter's friends. It was the best party I've been for quite a while. And it seemed that all people enjoyed it. Priit behaved very well too, he had fun. Today they headed to Nebraska to Chuck's family reunion.

This morning a tree was torn down from our backyard. The one which gave us a nice shade at noon and kept us hidden from people walking on the alley. It's a pity. But it was troo dangerous to keep it. Two days ago one brach fell on the shoup's wall. Fortunately, it didn't damage it at all. It's gone now, the yard seems so bare. We have to plant a new tree soon.

Yetserday my mother called and told that they had had a strong thunderstorm in Ulila, over 100 trees were broken. Fortunately not much damage was done at their household. Only carrots and potatoes were damaged by hale. I thought what an irony, that they have a little tornado there right now.... yes, all these dangerous things can happen there too, bnot only here.

Great weekend

We had a great weekend. On Saturday Pete worked half day, but after he came home we went fishing by a small bond in the countryside. I even caught 2 fish, both so tiny that we let them back in the water. Priit chased the Canada geese and I was quite afraid. I thought that it's good for Priit to really have a father in his life, because his mother would restrist him too many things just because of her own fear.

On Sunday we helped in the church to look after children in the Waumba Land. I worked out well. Andy and her husband were there too. And after the church we bought some tacos from Taco John's and headed by the river. It was my idea to go to the river, I had quite missed the stream of water. In the beginning the smell was quite noticeable - dead fish, I guess, but later we didn't notice iy at all. Pete found some hooks and line and had almost cought a fish, but he didn't notice when the stone where the line was tired began to move and so it was gone suddenly. Anyway, we enjoyed it a lot.

Priit's foot - the joint is fine, but now when the necrotic skin fell off, he has an ulcer 2,5 x 0,5/1 cm. He is quite stoic himself. I think his young and healthy body should manage it well and that it would heal soon.

Cindra W called me today. She is an ESL teacher here. I arranged a meeting on the 26th to find out what option I have to study English.

Ah, it's 6:08, Pete's home soon.... we'll have a pizza today. I've been so out of ideas considering food lately.
Yes, and I told Pete that I'd like to buy some medical books, bargain books instead of buying new clothes which he had an intention. They can wait. So I'm back on the track of thinking about FP training again.

A Hot Saturday Musings

It's very hot, about 95 degrees F. The summer really is different here, longer and warmer.
Hurray - Priit finally stepped on his foot yesterday! And although he walks on his toes, it's seems to be a good sign.
We met with B and Zanna and their kids yesterday at park. She is a very nice person, came here from Turkmenistan 9 years ago. She is a physician also, working as a sonographist right now. We seem to be quite in the same situation and both a bit mixed up, don't know which way to turn. Anyway, it was good to talk to someone in the same situation, to tell my mind about these issues.
Pete went to Des Moines to sell hot-dogs in a baseball game. Yeah! The fathers of PA-s football team do ity to rais money for their team. Priit is asleep and I finished my 3rd French track.

On learning languages

For the last few weeks I've spent most of my free time studying. In the beginning Peter thought that I could learn to programm. So I picked up HTML. It was quite amazing feeling how you are really capable of building some basic pages of only after an hour. I'm still a bit excited about it, although apparently nothing will come out of it. And I've also picked up French again. From the very beginning and it's fun. Pimsleur listening method is really terrific, makes you hear the language differently, more correctly, I hope.
Today we went to the collage library with Priit as I wanted to take some English books and met a lady in the campus. She gave me an email of a woman who teaches ESL classes in the town and introduced us also to a man whos wife is from Ukraine and also a doctor. We arranged to meet up at 7.30 on the playground today. I hope Priit will enjoy other children's company although he can't really walk yet. The man told that they have learned quite a lot about getting a doctor's licence here, perhaps it would help me to make up my mind too.
Fortunately, Priit's foot is much better today, almost not swollen at all anymore. And yesterday he used it pretty well while playing with Brooke and Sydney in the backyard. But it's evidently still really sore to walk on it. We had a row with Pete about Priit's foot and the necessity of the X-ray yesterday. I totally freaked out thinking that it might have been still broken. Ah, I wish I could have managed to hold myself back better.

My learning English

• on a spree - pummeldamas, lõbusalt aega veetmas
• to get thorough - üle elama, taluma, vastu pidama
• to make out - to do, to manage, to to handle affairs, to be successful
• to move ahead - edasi liikuma, edukas olema
• mixed up - segaduses
• to count on / eeldama, millelegi lootma

The 4th of July

We had a nice Indipendance Day. In the afternoon Pete's friends came over and we grilled stake. And at night we went to watch a fireworks at another's friends house. It was quite a firework, really. The night before we watched a "private" fireworks at the third friends house. Asd it was quite near to us, Priit was scared. He sat most of the time at my arms, his head on my lap.
Priit hurt his left foot badly on Saturday. He sat at the back of Peter's bicycle and his foot got between the weel. It seemed quite horrible in the beginning. Fortunately, it's improving right now. The doctor said that nothing was broken. Although I'm not sure that anybody could tell it just looking at the foot for a minute without even touching it. Or it's just a question of experience which I lack.... Well, I hope that all will be all right.

Baseball evening

We went to Des Moines yesterday to watch a baseball game. It seems to be a real American sport where parents even take their babies. And it's amzing to see how these few months old babies sat there bare-headed while Priit had his cap on and I even felt I had to put Peter's jacket on. It's apparently the question of getting used to such thing - to wind mostly. The evening was nice though and we had good time after having a rather rough morning and afternoon. I also took some great pictures of Priit and Peter, good eye-contact and smiles. The Iowa team, Iowa Cubes dominated the whole game from the start, so there wasn't much tention and I had time to look around at people and feel the ambiency.

Adjusting

We've been here for more than a month by now. And I have to admit that we've adjusted quite well to my mind. Still some adjustment is going on, is a permanent process.
I heard Priit saying yesterday in a very good Englsih: Come on, Gray Cat! It was nice.

My Learning English

Here are some words I learnt from a book which I read to Priit - "Pie Rats Ahoy".

• on the prowl

saagijahil

There were pirates on the prowl.

• point

neem

He sailed around the point.

• doom

hukk, saatus

"Prepare to meet your doom" said the pirates.